


Oh Take Me Back to the Start

by Signsofsam



Series: Buddie Week 2020 [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Buddie Week (9-1-1 TV), Established Relationship, It's kinda sad, M/M, One Shot, You've been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26629330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: “How do we fix this?”Buck’s the one who says the words out loud, but they’re both thinking them. Buck’s back at work, the lawsuit is done, but he and Eddie-everything is different now. They’ve been apart for months, and it’s been hard to learn how to sleep alone again. It’s been hard to wake up cold, no one curled up behind him, or not wrapped around Eddie. It’s been hard to learn to eat alone again, with no happy chatter about Chris’ day or Chris’ friends or Chris’ adventures with Abuela or Carla.It’s been hard not to be able to see Eddie, to touch him, to kiss him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931659
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	Oh Take Me Back to the Start

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** "How do we fix this?" + angst, and oh boy is there angst.
> 
> Title is from _The Scientist_ by Coldplay.

" **How do we fix this?** ”

Buck’s the one who says the words out loud, but they’re both thinking them. Buck’s back at work, the lawsuit is done, but he and Eddie-everything is different now. They’ve been apart for months, and it’s been hard to learn how to sleep alone again. It’s been hard to wake up cold, no one curled up behind him, or not wrapped around Eddie. It’s been hard to learn to eat alone again, with no happy chatter about Chris’ day or Chris’ friends or Chris’ adventures with Abuela or Carla.

It’s been hard not to be able to see Eddie, to touch him, to kiss him.

Buck watches the muscles in Eddie’s back tense as he pauses in changing, and he catches his boyfriend’s (ex? Is that what they are? _Please, God, no_.) glare in the mirror of his locker. Shit. He shouldn’t have-he should have just gone on, content with how they were, friendly, professional, because this look from Eddie….Eddie’s angry, and it’s Buck he’s angry at. “I….I...forget I said-”

“I don’t know that we can fix things, Evan. You left me, you left _Chris_ , without a word _why_ , and I got so angry. Angry enough I went did an irrational, stupid thing and nearly got someone else killed and ruined my own life.” Buck’s eyes widen, and Eddie sighs, turning so they’re face-to-face. “But really, I could move on from that. Me becoming that person wasn’t your fault. But hurting my son, even as unintentional as it was?”

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I know-”

“You don’t know, though, Buck, because you weren’t there. And I know I said things I can’t take back and things I didn’t really mean at that store, but you don’t understand how many times I had to comfort Chris when all he wanted was his Buck. How many nightmares about the tsunami he had. How many times he asked me if you were mad at us, or at him. Buck, that broke my heart. You broke my heart. So while we may be okay right now, I don’t know that we can fix _us_ , because I don’t know if there is an us to fix. What’s to stop you from completely ghosting us again? Chris wouldn’t recover from that, and I don’t know that I would, either.”

The devastation on Eddie’s face completely rips through Buck, because _he’s_ the reason Eddie is devastated and he never wanted or intended that he filed the lawsuit. He didn’t realize how it would affect his team, affect his relationship. He didn’t realize how many secrets he’d willingly tell the lawyer or how they’d be used against his team.

He didn’t realize how terrible the consequences would be for his actions. He had just wanted to come back, to be a firefighter again.

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Eddie’s in front of him, drawing him back to the present, out of his thoughts. “I need time right now, Evan. I’ve got to repair being a good father before I start even thinking about _us_. I need you to show me that we can be friends again, that I can trust you with Christopher, that I can trust you to not up and leave us again when things get rough for you. I know that’s a lot to ask, probably more than have a right to ask for, but-”

“It’s not,” Buck says quietly. “Whatever you’ll have of me, I want.” 

Eddie nods, leaning in to press the softest, barest of kisses to Buck’s forehead. “I’m not saying never, Buck, or that we won’t get back to one another; I love you too much to think that’s impossible. One step at a time, though, okay?”

And there it is, the warmth of hope spreading through Buck’s chest as he smiles. “I can do one step at a time.”

**Author's Note:**

> So...thoughts?
> 
> Thanks in advance for all the comments/kudos, and if you want, come follow me [here](https://signsofsam.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> Up next: Day Six


End file.
